BUNKED!

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The C-of-C-C Newsletter Column Dealing with Conspiracy Occulture

“A Correction, A Reflection, and a Reminder”

—by Mason Freeman, Conspiracy Occulture Correspondent

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Well, folks, we may have gone a bit bird-brained on our last flight of fancy.

We predicted that the avian vector — a feathered flurry of flu-induced panic — would serve once again to grease the wheels of election shenanigans.

Turns out, they didn’t need it.

Maybe they judged (for once) that the margin would be too wide to believably fudge. Maybe they worried that rigging a landslide was a bridge too far, even for seasoned engineers of reality. Or maybe — and here’s the humbling part — maybe the public simply gave them the landslide they wanted, fair and square, as freely as a pigeon flocks to stale breadcrumbs.

Either way, the ballots murmured and landed where they landed.

No flu required. No emergency needed. No great migration of mail-in ballots this time.

But don’t let your guard down.

The bird flu hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s still overhead, circling, roosting, occasionally darkening the sky. The media murmurs about it here and there, like a restless flock unsettled by some signal we can’t quite hear yet.

And lest we forget — pigeons, ravens, and other birds of ill omen aren’t known for issuing polite warnings before relieving themselves from on high.

So take this as your umbrella advisory: keep looking up, not in fear, but in readiness.

We were early. We may have been wrong about when. But not about what.

They have feathered their nest. We just don’t know yet which eggs will hatch.

—Mason Freeman

(“Mason may have missed the worm this morning, but he’s still our early bird.”—The Editors)