CULTURAL AUTOPSY. WHO STOLE IL CORNO?

Gesture Theft, Ethnic Copyright Initiatives, and the Back of My Hand.

From the Desk of Mrs. Begonia Contretemps.

A Metaphysical Rant with Legal Implications

Darlings,

It appears we have a Cultural Appropriation Emergency, and I’ve barely had time to put on my proper veil.

It has come to our horrified attention that Chaim Witz, known to the face-painting public as Gene Simmons of the loud American group KISS, has attempted to trademark the “devil horn” hand gesture—you know, that ancient apotropaic signal passed down through countless nonna knuckles in Southern Italy to keep the malocchio at bay.

I have long suspected that the Southern Italian grandmother and I are kindred operatives—one with her apron and malocchio deflections, the other with pen and pince-nez. We serve the same function across different fronts: to ward off decay, mischief, and the slow rot of forgetfulness. She flicks the wrist; I file the report. Both, I assure you, are apotropaic acts.

To wit, and back to the matter at hand: As to this protective gesture, one might as well try to copyright the smell of oregano or the shape of a meatball.

Let us clarify for the record (and for the judges, should it come to that):

This gesture predates Mr. Witz’s platform boots by several centuries. It was not meant to conjure demons but to repel them. Used properly—tilted downward, eyes squinted with holy disdain—it is a sign of protection, not provocation.

Apparently, the rocker Ronnie James Dio (may he rest in medallioned peace) got it from his grandmother, who used it the way all our grandmothers did: to bless, to warn, to ward off—and occasionally, to curse discreetly at funerals. We may forgive Ronnie. He did not try to monetize the old ways. At worst, he tried to sneak them past the metal detectors of modernity.

But now comes Mr. Simmons—the Ashkenazi Elvis of Pyrotechnic Paganism—trying to own what should be sacrosanct, cultural, and freely shared across the southern boot and diaspora. It’s not just absurd—it’s spiritual embezzlement.

Link to the outrage:

👉 Ronnie James Dio’s Widow Blasts Gene Simmons’ ‘Disgusting’ Trademark Bid for Horns Hand Gesture

So I say this:

Let us do as the Native Nations have done—copyright entire ethnicities, if need be. Register our rites, digitize our dialects, and put a provisional patent on Nonna’s left eyebrow. Let the lawyers handle what the priests and poets once preserved.

This, dear Council, is what I call cultural jujitsu—using the tools of the modern world to protect the ancient ones.

We may no longer have our land, but we still have our hands—and what they mean.

And to Mr. Simmons, I offer only this:

The Back of my gloved hand.

Yours in aesthetic preservation,

Mrs. Begonia Contretemps

European Correspondent, NVZ Spokeswoman

Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists