Chapter 2 BLACK TAR WRITHING.

Occult Entanglements in the Age of Algorithmic Apocalypse.

(a metaphysical spoof inspired by real books, unintended consequences, and the uncanny glow of esoteric side-effects)

“You open a portal and think it’s a metaphor—until a demagogue walks through it quoting you.”

— Dr. Faye C. Schüß, Council Fellow of Mental Hygiene and Mystical Oversight

Chapter 2: The Bassline Beneath the Bear

(In which our hero realizes that telling the truth can sometimes feel like handing someone a loaded folktale)

Before he charted the terrain of Slavic mysticism, Gary Lachman laid down basslines for Blondie. This detail remains the most comforting part of what follows.

In The Return of Holy Russia, Lachman did not mount a defense of Russian expansionism. He didn’t light a candle for Dugin or sketch maps for the GRU. What he did was something far more dangerous in the current climate: he told the truth.

With calm prose and impeccable references, he traced the cultural and spiritual lineage of Russia—not from Soviet rubble or imperial ambition, but from the misty crucible of its origin in Kievan Rus’. That is: modern-day Ukraine.

This wasn’t an argument. It wasn’t even a warning. It was history—slow-moving, well-footnoted, and gently mystical.

But history has teeth.

Years later, when Vladimir Putin sat down with Tucker Carlson for what felt like a TED Talk with mild threats, some of us heard a familiar tune. The words were Putin’s. But the chords—those deep, ringing historical chords—had been struck before. In Lachman’s book. Albeit with more nuance, and less chewing on scenery.

It’s not that Lachman endorsed what came next. He simply mapped the terrain—and in doing so, revealed the fault lines. It’s not his fault the tectonic plates started to shift. He just happened to be standing nearby when the Kremlin misread the map as a manual.

One imagines him blinking at the headlines, whispering into his teacup:

“Oh dear. They actually read it.”

COUNCIL COMMENTARY

Filed under: Occult Blowback and Mystic Collateral Damage

The Return of Holy Russia was meant as a cultural history, not a campaign platform. But as the Council has long warned: in the age of viral ideas, even a metaphysical insight can double as a political IED.

While Lachman bears no responsibility for geopolitical sabbath-magic, the Council now recommends that all esoteric writers include a “Do Not Use for War” disclaimer in their prefaces—preferably printed backwards in Latin and sealed with beeswax.