The King of Chaos Makes Conservatives of His Enemies.

Filed by Reynard “Ray” Pierre-DeWitt, master of cultural dissonance and ironic clarity

Dear Esteemed Chaos Enthusiasts,

There are moments in American political life when irony transcends satire and wanders into prophecy. This is one of them.

Donald J. Trump—derided as an existential threat to the Constitution—has, through sheer force of chaos, converted the Left into making the sacred document the last line of defense. Not because they suddenly revere its authors, but because they’re hiding behind its clauses like panicked children playing hide-and-seek with Caesar.

This Stage Was Not His to Build.

Let’s be clear: Trump certainly did not create the urban mayhem. That honor belongs to a generation of progressive mayors, Soros-backed prosecutors, and legal theorists who treated law enforcement as the root of all social ills. Felony prosecutions dropped, bail was abolished, repeat offenders were rebranded as “misunderstood,” and the phrase defund the police entered polite conversation somewhere between the kombucha aisle and the race-relations seminar.

And now?

“Politics: a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.” 

— Ambrose Bierce

But when Trump began sending in the National Guard, bypassing the municipal mess entirely, the very architects of anarchy began clutching the Constitution like it was a family Bible.

A Great Conversion: From Burn-it-Down to Back-the-Blue

Strange bedfellows, indeed:

The same Left that once marched to abolish police departments now finds itself demanding federal respect for local law enforcement. Not because they’ve had a change of heart—but because they fear Trump will take control. Mayor Bowser in D.C. didn’t thank him for the Guard. Chicago’s Brandon Johnson refused help outright, but only to insist on the sanctity of local police power. The same liberal lawyers who once called the Constitution a relic of slaveholders now cite it like junior clerks to James Madison. The New Republic practically canonized the document in 2024, suggesting Democrats as its de facto guardians. One imagines John Adams clapping—then choking slightly on his wig.

The Birchian Echo

And here the long wheel of irony makes another turn:

The arch conservative John Birch Society, that old bastion of anti-communist alarm bells, once loudly opposed civilian review boards. They saw them as attempts by the Left to use bureaucratic panels to undermine local police departments—especially when those departments enforced the kind of order favored by old-stock America.

To the Birchers, supporting the police meant rejecting any structure—especially Left-driven ones—that could pressure departments to be more “sensitive” or “reform-minded” in response to rising urban unrest. In their view, review boards weren’t checks and balances; they were early efforts at racial subversion.

In other words: the Birchers supported local policing—but only so long as it operated free from liberal oversight and upheld what they saw as traditional American order. Civilian review boards, in their eyes, were attempts to hijack police power for progressive or racialized agendas.

Today, the Left finds itself in a mirror position—now defending local police forces against Trump’s federal reach. And the Constitution? Once sacred scripture for the Birchers, it’s now a legal forcefield for progressives hoping to keep Trump’s boots off their sidewalks.

Constitutions as Tribal Objects

The truth is this: the Constitution has always been tribal.

It has become a weapon for whichever group finds itself momentarily disempowered. Once it was brandished by European-American traditionalists to resist federal overreach. Now, it’s held aloft by progressives trying to stop the orange hurricane.

As Oswald Spengler wrote:

“It doesn’t really matter what one writes into a constitution. The important thing is what the collective instinct eventually makes of it.”

My Verdict

Trump’s genius is not in order—but in inversion.

He did not restore the Constitution. He made it fashionable again.

He forced his opponents to “back the blue.

He did not outlaw chaos. He made it scream for a sheriff.

And in doing so, he turned the Left into accidental conservatives. Not by persuasion—but by pressure. Not through reason—but through reversal.

You can’t stage a coup quite like that without some showmanship.

—Ray Pierre-DeWitt