A KNIGHT AT THE GUGGENHEIM

—Errantry in the House of Gawking

[GUGGENHEIM → gucken (German: to look, stare, gawk) + heim (home) → a home for gawking]

—From the Art Exhibition Review Column of the Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Newsletter

We recently dispatched one of our correspondents on a fact-finding mission to the Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum to view the current exhibition of works by Agnes Martin.

Before his departure, he was reminded—per standing Council policy—that we do not set out to disrespect earnest work. Someone, somewhere, went to the trouble (or tedium) of placing marks upon a surface. Our aim, always, is to encounter the work honestly and to consider what the artist’s expression may be attempting as it meets the viewer’s gaze. Sometimes an artist wishes to convey something specific; at other times the work functions as a tuning fork for the viewer’s own unconscious, or simply for two eyes—squinted, crossed, visually impaired, or otherwise.

However, as most art lovers who visit the Guggenheim submit—consciously or not—to what they believe they are required to see under social or self-imposed pressure, the Council agreed to attempt a different approach. Perhaps one already familiar to many a spouse, sibling, or boyfriend with sound instincts, dragged along for an afternoon visit.

With this in mind, and in the interest of tolerating all views as modern society requires, we reimbursed our reviewer Black Cloud’s price of admission and asked him to provide his impressions from the standpoint of an outsider. As a for-instance, we suggested a philistine. Who, in the present moment, is more of an outsider than a philistine?

Things did not go well.

What follows is his brief report, received as an informal text message—this being his one phone call allowed. How modern is that.

—The Editors

Black Cloud:

Send money for bail. Went to Guggenheim to view exhibition. My mind went totally blank trying to see something on Agnes Martin’s canvases. Got pissed off. Started making up names for the them a little too loud under my breath.

Called one, “Faded Watermark!” Another, “Polar Bear in Snowstorm.” Security guard approached when I named one—muttering out loud—“Way Too Much Bleach in Wash of Summer Clothes.”

Started having fun when one canvas called out to be named “Faded Graph Paper.” A couple of guys started laughing and chimed in with their own suggestions. Playing off them, I pointed to one and said, “This one should be called ‘Void.’ It’s from her Buddhist phase.”

One guy—must be a contractor—suggested, “Fresh Pair of Painter’s Pants.” Another said, “Flour on White T-Shirt of Artisanal Pizza Maker.” Had to be a local guy.

Things escalated.

As NYPD reinforcements arrived to clear out the rioters, I prepared to throw rocks. You did say to give the opinion of a philistine. Present-day Philistines>Palestinians throw rocks. Still, I could not bear the blankness any longer and reasoned that rocks might be excessive. I substituted paintballs instead. Bad enough to register. Gentle enough to be mistaken for contribution. After all, Jackson Pollock threw paint at canvases and ended up in museums. I assumed the city—if not Agnes Martin—might welcome the gesture.

I identify as an Indian, and Manhattan is also occupied territory by the same people. I started throwing them at paintings. As police grabbed me, I shouted that I was a performance artist and that they just don’t get it.

Curators told cops to arrest me anyway and get the crowd I’d incited out of the museum.

Goes without saying, we didn’t get a refund.

««=|| : )

[Do those text characters look like me with feather in my hair band? I’m getting bored here in cell. Kemosabe, send money. Normally I can stand outside a tobacco store just staring forward for ages. This place is different. Just felt déjà vu. Sorry—other Indian.

Feels like that other enclosure I’ve been in before. Which reminds me: cancel my reservations at restaurant tonight.]

Editorial Note:

The Council reminds future correspondents that “participatory engagement” should remain metaphorical unless otherwise authorized. A review protocol update is under consideration.

More Black Cloud: HERE