ON THE WEAPONIZATION OF COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT

—A Council Field Note:

The Emergence of a Load-Bearing Political Syndrome

The meeting had not been called to discuss politics.

That point was emphasized twice in the agenda and once verbally, after the folding chairs had already been set out. The Council had convened under its standing mandate to monitor developments affecting mental hygiene, narrative coherence, and the general condition of reality as experienced by the public. Politics, it was noted, had begun appearing in this category with increasing frequency.

Dr. Faye C. Schüss had requested a short allotment of time to present what she described as a preliminary diagnostic observation. She stressed that the matter involved no endorsement, no opposition, and no recommendation for action. It was, she said, simply something that had begun presenting symptoms.

The projector flickered. A neutral title slide appeared:

“Preliminary Observations on a Newly Emergent Political Syndrome.”

Dr. Faye adjusted her glasses and began.

TRANSCRIPT (EXCERPTED)

DR. FAYE C. SCHÜSS

Thank you. I will be brief.

I am not here to discuss ideology. I am here to discuss pattern recognition. Over the past year, I have encountered a political platform whose coherence is not ideological but procedural. Each element makes sense internally at least to them. The problem arises when they are assembled and set in motion.

For ease of reference, I will refer to the condition as Mule Party Platform Disorder, (MPPD) provisional.

The mascot is instructive. The mule is a hybrid—upper and lower, sanctified and utilitarian. It is sterile. It does not reproduce naturally, yet it persists through deliberate intervention, recruitment, economic incentives, otherwise known as bribes in layman terms. This is not incidental. It is diagnostic.

The platform includes, but is not limited to:

– The legalization and professionalization of crime, including licensing, union representation, and mandatory continuing education

– Mandatory reproductive mandates detached from biological capacity. Abortion as sacrament.

– Extreme body modification framed as wellness compliance

– Border dissolution reclassified as hospitality, complete with welcome infrastructure

DR. FAYE (continuing):

The platform explicitly weaponizes mental dysfunction for political advantage and enforcement. Cognitive disorder is reframed as a mobilizable asset: organized, credentialed, and deployed. Impairment is no longer treated as a limitation to be accommodated, but as a strategic resource to be leveraged.

Compliance is maintained through a benefits structure—stipends, auxiliary services, lunch, and scheduled trans-portation. Short buses are standard. Participation is described as voluntary; nonparticipation is reclassified as a diagnostic concern.

A covert wing has since been appended to this framework. It is internally classified as Tran-sients. The term is functional rather than poetic: trans- denotes transportation and transfer; -sient is borrowed from sentience, indicating provisional or borrowed consciousness. These recruits are not expected to maintain consistent ideological awareness. They are activated, deployed, and relocated as needed.

In practice, Tran-sients function as mobile enforcement and symbolic presence. Trans-portation is integral to the role. Duration of engagement is limited. Memory of purpose is nonessential.

Clinically, this represents the conversion of impairment into leverage.

I would note that none of these are contradictory within the system. The disorder lies not in inconsistency, but in confidence. The mule does not avoid cliffs. It seeks them out—provided they have been authorized.

At this point, I will take questions.

QUESTIONS & RESPONSES

JOHN ST. EVOLA (Editor):

Doctor—are we observing a political movement, or the administrative afterlife of one?

DR. FAYE:

It is neither alive nor dead. It is operational. Which is often worse.

RAY PIERRE-DEWITT (Chaos Coordinator):

If the mule seeks cliffs instinctively, should this be classified as a death wish—or a pilgrimage?

DR. FAYE:

Neither. A pilgrimage knows where it’s going. This is a confidence disorder with legs.

PETER R. MOSSBACK:

Is it possible the mule mistakes the weight it carries as guilt, but for moral purpose?

DR. FAYE:

Very possible. Load-bearing has been confused with meaning in every late civilization I’ve studied.

CLIFF LANGOUR:

I’m sorry, Doctor, but this reads like satire pretending to be policy. This movie has already been made. Idiocracy. We laughed, we nodded, we went home. Are we sure we’re not just re-screening it with better lighting

DR. FAYE:

Satire ends when the credits roll. This continued into committee. Satire announces itself. This issues guidelines. Consider it a prequel, Cliff.

THE BACKWARD SCHOLAR (from the back):

Would this fall under delusion, or adaptive strategy in a collapsing epistemic environment?

DR. FAYE:

Adaptive strategies stop adapting when they declare themselves permanent. At that point, responsibility is typically transferred to an organization—relegated to the ARC of history—and trans-portation is arranged. Short buses are usually provided.

For the record, “the ARC of history” refers here to the Association for Retarded Citizens, not a metaphor. Metaphors are rarely this well funded.

DAPHNE HOWLSMYTHE:

If free toxic hair dye, piercings, and tattoos are mandatory benefits, does refusal constitute repression?

DR. FAYE:

In this condition, refusal is always classified as pathology. Compliance is classified as courage.

SERGEANT PEPE:

Doctor—are we certain the mule knows it’s a mule?

DR. FAYE:

Self-recognition is not a requirement for forward motion.

PAIGE TURNER (consulting a clipboard):

For cataloging purposes—does the legalization of crime precede the abolition of consequences, or do they emerge together?

DR. FAYE:

They emerge simultaneously. Like twins raised by paperwork.

(A pause.)

ARTURO HAUS:

(says nothing)

(This silence is entered into the record.)

CLIFF LANGOUR (interrupting):

Let’s not pretend. The prequel was Idiocracy: Before It Seemed Exaggerated.

DR. FAYE:

Yes, Cliff. This assessment precedes the film. Idiocracy was a later cultural rendering of an already observable condition.

DR. FAYE (continuing):

A common misunderstanding. Idiocracy was not a world without intelligence. It was a world in which intelligence had become institutionally irrelevant and statistically depressed, a pattern now measurable in select state administrations, including Minnesota

The Mule Party differs. It does not eliminate intelligence—it hybridizes it.

From the horse: credentialed, aristocratic cognition—self-assured and abstracted.

From the donkey: cognitive limitation, poor emotional restraint, low hazard recognition, and a tendency to persist without comprehension.

The result is not stupidity.

It is confidence fused to impairment.

DR. FAYE (continuing):

This pattern is not novel. A contemporary political party already employs the jackass as its symbol. Its functional strength has long rested on a fusion of two populations: highly educated, abstract thinkers and cognitively limited adherents whose loyalty is affective rather than analytical.

In that arrangement, intelligence supplies justification while limitation supplies momentum. One group produces the language; the other provides the certainty.

The Mule Party differs only in refinement. Where the jackass model relied on populist bluntness, the mule formalizes the fusion—credentialed intelligence permanently paired with cognitive impairment and insulated from correction.

This is not stupidity.

It is misallocated intelligence yoked to incapacity

ST. EVOLA (again):

Doctor—the question everyone is avoiding. What happens at the cliff?

DR. FAYE:

At the cliff, the mule issues a statement.

Then a committee is formed to investigate the fall.

(Dr. Faye closes her folder.)

DR. FAYE:

Cultural memory offers a useful parallel from Mad Men—the moment when imagined rivalry dissolves upon contact with indifference. That is the Council’s relationship to the Mule Party. Opposition implies symmetry. Diagnosis does not.

We merely note that the condition has progressed from rhetoric to flamboyant choreography.

There is no approved treatment at this time. Monitoring is advised. Gravity remains undefeated.

(Meeting adjourned. Coffee discarded. Transcript filed.)