Old Roots, New Tools, Same Spirit

Revolutions have been fought over land, liberty, religion, and the distribution of wealth. It was perhaps inevitable that sooner or later one would be fought over music and ice cream.… Read more ⇢

— Starring Mrs. Begonia Contretemps The Council has dispatched Begonia on an expedition into all too familiar but exotic territory. The inhabitants are reputed to be highly influential, their customs… Read more ⇢

—In Which Mrs. Begonia Contretemps Encounters a Convergence of Catastrophes in Cherbourg John St. Evola, our editor, had assigned me another word for investigation. UNIVERSALISM. According to my dictionary, the… Read more ⇢

—The Theology of Nominative Determinism, Plumbing, Bathroom Humor, Coincidence, and the Grace of Getting the Joke. John St. Evola had told me to go out and find something. Not anything… Read more ⇢

—In Which Vito Haeckeler Discovers He Has Been Attending the Academy The incident you are about to read actually happened. No arrests were made. No charges were filed. The training,… Read more ⇢

—Mrs. Begonia Contretemps Begins A Sentence. Mrs. Begonia Contretemps is an observer by temperament and a writer by unfortunate consequence. Give her an ordinary day, a few errands and somewhere… Read more ⇢

—He Came From Somewhere Back in His Long Ago ♪ In Which The Accidental Initiate goes to the movies. I thought I was going to merely take in a film.… Read more ⇢

~On Memory, Originality, and—Wait, I Had It a Second Ago. . . There comes an age when you know considerably more than you can retrieve. The information is still in… Read more ⇢

—The Q In Question. In Which Mrs. Begonia Contretemps Goes to the Head of the Queue John St. Evola was going on holiday. This would ordinarily have been of little… Read more ⇢

By Guest Writer, Amber Grysz, Coelacanth Press EDITOR’S NOTE: Amber Grysz is an employee of Coelacanth Press and is not, nor has she ever been, a member of the Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists.… Read more ⇢

—A Beginner’s Guide to a Language You Already Recognize. I blame the bumper music. You know the sonic presentation. A television program goes to commercial, returns, and somebody hits you… Read more ⇢

—An Exercise in Futility. I have never quite been able to rid myself of the suspicion that a knee contains only so many bends. No physician has confirmed this. Neither,… Read more ⇢

—Invasion of the Film-School People! EDITOR’S NOTE — John St. Evola It had been a dry spell for WORDS IN THE WILD. The words, presumably, were still out there. We… Read more ⇢

When Vito Haeckler was appointed chairman of his school district’s Multicultural Calendar Committee, he intended to do the job right. “We got all kinds of people here now,” he told… Read more ⇢

Pack No.3 The Perennial Sophomore opens another pack from The History of Democracy Picture Card Series. Five more cards, one more excursion through mankind’s continuing experiment in self-government—and the lingering… Read more ⇢

The Bonus Army of 1932 is one of those remarkable chapters of American history that has somehow slipped from American memory. At the depths of the Great Depression, before the… Read more ⇢

The Show Must Govern. FROM THE COUNCIL EPHEMERA COLLECTION The CIVIL WARS Picture Card Series comes to us as another piece of Council Ephemera, brought to you by The Perennial… Read more ⇢

—The Scranton School of Public Performance. Concerning the Curious Relationship Between The Office and the Past President. IN our post-modern media age, where the line between reality and fantasy—and the… Read more ⇢

—A guest dispatch from the Accidental Initiate William Blake proposed seeing “a World in a Grain of Sand” and “a Heaven in a Wild Flower.” I have lately been finding… Read more ⇢

—FIVE MORE TRADING CARDS FROM THE HISTORY OF DEMOCRACY SET —Trade freely—but remember: no card is more equal than another. The Perennial Sophomore returns with another pack of five trading… Read more ⇢

There are certain subjects a mature publication approaches with reverence, restraint, and a proper appreciation for the settled wisdom of the ages. Fortunately, The Perennial Sophomore is under no such… Read more ⇢

—Justin Aldmann considers early retirement for the human intellect I recently discovered that artificial intelligence could help write things. This interested me. Retirement had already relieved me of gainful employment.… Read more ⇢

—A Journey Into the Theatre of the Absurd yet Undeniable. There are travels into the unknown, and then there are assignments from John St. Evola. This one would take Mrs.… Read more ⇢

Justin Aldmann is to blame for this one. Some weeks ago he recommended an Internet radio station that plays nothing but the music of Burt Bacharach and Hal David, and… Read more ⇢

A NOTE FROM THE COUNCIL Currying favor is one of those phrases whose meaning is considerably easier to understand after watching people for a while. That made it less a… Read more ⇢

There once was a time when pop music celebrated innocent, wholesome and joyful love. Of course, it could also be playfully risqué—as the very name of the band, The Lovin’… Read more ⇢

Spotted by Vito Haeckler EDITOR’S NOTE: Vito Haeckler returns with another installment of Words in the Wild. Readers are reminded that Vito has a longstanding habit of taking an innocent… Read more ⇢

Libby D’Annous returns with another dispatch from Planet Parenthood, where two events and a sixty-year-old song have somehow wandered into the same orbit. Neil Young: “I want them to get… Read more ⇢

I may be suffering from ennui. I find myself increasingly underwhelmed by a world that seems determined to overwhelm me. Perhaps I have simply lived long enough to have seen… Read more ⇢

—Mrs. Begonia Contretemps investigates an extraordinary claim made on behalf of the human brain. Dispatched to America by the NVZ to observe the habits, institutions and occasional peculiarities of the… Read more ⇢

—A revised lyric by Black Cloud, The Council Chief Poetic Justice Warrior There is an occupational hazard in writing parody: sometimes the people you are parodying decide they like it.… Read more ⇢

—Vito Haeckler finds some unexpected common ground in the used-car market.— A WORD ABOUT THE REPUTATION OF THE SUBARU In the 1990s, Subaru discovered that its practical, all-wheel-drive cars had… Read more ⇢

—A WORDS IN THE WILD INSTALLMENT— With Guest correspondent: Libby D’Annous, Planet Parenthood There are words one encounters once and thereafter seems to encounter everywhere. Doula has lately been such… Read more ⇢

There are assignments one expects to receive while traveling on behalf of the Council: investigate an obscure roadside attraction, interview an improbable local authority, determine why a perfectly ordinary American… Read more ⇢

—Some Notes on the Collective Wisdom of Individual Ignorance Mrs. Begonia Contretemps is presently traveling the United States at the request of Europe’s Nouvelle Vague Zwischenshaft, attempting to determine what,… Read more ⇢

—A WORDS IN THE WILD INSERTION— A Punctuation Mark Whose Time Has Come. Guest column by Mrs. Begonia Contretemps, in the continued absence of the vacationing Paige Turner, whose innocence,… Read more ⇢

. . . Until It Came for You. Ray Pierre-DeWitt, Council Chaos Coordinator —Every age believes it has finally discovered the direction of history. The more interesting question is what… Read more ⇢

—Homemade Theme Parks as Weird Americana —Where Wordplay Escaped into History One of the enduring features of the American landscape is the roadside attraction: sometimes ingenious, sometimes homemade, but almost… Read more ⇢

—The Story Behind the World’s Most Famous Bite By Mason Freeman Every so often a conspiracy theory comes along that practically begs to be true. This was one of them.… Read more ⇢

—Conspiracy Futures Trading Cards: Strange Echoes from an Old Deck Mrs. Begonia Contretemps, Europa’s indefatigable emissary, explores the American character through its most unlikely places. Her observations are faithfully reported… Read more ⇢

—A Report from the Replika Festival The following article appears through the kind and enthusiastic cooperation of our brother publication, The Perennial Sophomore, whose editors remain convinced they meant every… Read more ⇢

—Two Dispatches from Opposite Ends of the Horse. Featuring Vito Haeckeler on writers, AI, and professional panic. . . and Noor Singha Grudj on bringing Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion to… Read more ⇢

Editor’s Note: Our regular Words in the Wild correspondent, Paige Turner, is away on a research fellowship at the Institute for Tomorrow Studies, where she is auditing the future and… Read more ⇢

CONVERSATIONS UNDER THE KNIFE —A Brief Interview With Alfred Hitchcock “Welcome aboard, Mr. Hitchcock,” I sighed. “John St. Evola neglected to mention that this luncheon interview required me to row… Read more ⇢

—California Dreamin’. Someone Else’s Script. HOLLYWOOD WAS ALWAYS A PSYOP Mrs. Begonia Contretemps had scarcely returned from her latest American assignment when John St. Evola greeted her with an unusually… Read more ⇢

In which Mrs. Begonia investigates four abandoned American dreams that unexpectedly changed the world. COUNCIL INTRODUCTION Another assignment recently found its way onto Mrs. Begonia Contretemps’ desk, though this one… Read more ⇢

—Mrs. Begonia Contretemps investigates America’s edible archaeological record. Mrs. Begonia Contretemps had scarcely returned from her investigation into America’s mysterious civilization of the sharpened edge when our editor, John St.… Read more ⇢

—How America’s Counterculture Eventually Went Square—And the Roofs Again Made Their Peace with Rain and Snow. Mrs. Begonia Contretemps continues her American assignment on behalf of the Nouvelle Vague Zwischenschaft… Read more ⇢

—Mrs. Begonia’s expedition from Indian Territory into America’s hidden civilization of the sharpened edge.— Mrs. Begonia Contretemps continues her American assignment on behalf of the NVZ, this time following John… Read more ⇢

New release from the Council House Band The Council is pleased to present its latest number, “Me and My Uncles (John St. Evola Version).” The song was inspired by our… Read more ⇢

America has long presented itself as the world’s great champion of capitalism. Yet as housing prices climb, grocery bills swell, and the cost of simply existing continues its relentless ascent,… Read more ⇢

THE COUNCIL COULDN’T LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE. . . —Egged on, predictably enough, by our brother publication, The Perennial Sophomore, we kept riffing. Read more ⇢

The Accidental Initiate’s Just-So Story About Quality Emerging from Quantity. Editor’s Note: Our regular Words in the Wild correspondent, Paige Turner, is away on a much-needed retreat at the Lexical… Read more ⇢

—And The Modern Liberty Pole— The Council originally retained Noor Singha Grudj for comic relief. We have since come to regard her as a documentary source. There was a time… Read more ⇢

—Special Guest, Mrs. Begonia Contretemps Reporting— The Council, in its infinite capacity for assigning impossible tasks to unsuspecting correspondents, has directed me to explain today’s Words in the Wild expression:… Read more ⇢

“Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”—Will Rogers Dear Sgt. Pépé, I know your column mainly deals with what it says it… Read more ⇢

THE COUNCIL CHAOS COORDINATOR, RAY PIERRE-DEWITT, REPORTS : Readers may recall that some years ago a prominent public official announced his intention to “drain the swamp.” Most assumed this was… Read more ⇢

—ON CERTAIN THINGS THAT KEEP THE WORLD TURNING Before proceeding with the sermon, I recommend spending a few minutes with Alison Krauss & Union Station’s “The Captain’s Daughter.” It is… Read more ⇢

—On Certain Difficulties Encountered While Searching for Originality As part of an ongoing NVZ inquiry into the nature of American originality, Mrs. Begonia Contretemps set out to investigate an apparently… Read more ⇢

—AND THE DIFFICULTIES OF MATING WITH PURE ABSTRACTIONS —by Libby D’Annous As many readers know, Planet Parenthood exists to examine the practical realities of human reproduction rather than the theories… Read more ⇢

—AND NOT NEEDING TO KNOW WHY —ON CERTAIN THINGS WE KNOW WITHOUT KNOWING WHY I have spent a considerable portion of my life listening to people explain God. Some of… Read more ⇢

—How to Defuse a Revelation by Diffusing It— OCCULTURE WATCH *On Certain Relationships Between Aliens and Children —by Mason Freeman The Council has been informed that the latest cinematic offering… Read more ⇢

—Or, How Madonna-as-Grandma Joined the Establishment. —Noor Investigates: Following Madonna’s recent appearance in Times Square during Pride Month celebrations, Council poet Black Cloud submitted the following poem. The Council has… Read more ⇢

—A MEMORANDUM FROM THE MAINTENANCE DEPARTMENT OF THE ANTEROOM OF ETERNITY— There comes a point in life when a man begins to suspect that every instruction manual is too long.… Read more ⇢

—On Libraries and Certain Necessary Reclassifications— As part of an ongoing Nouvelle Vague Zwischenschaft [NVZ] inquiry into the meaning of America, Mrs. Begonia Contretemps continues her travels through the nation’s… Read more ⇢

—An Exploration of a Latin Word Found in the Wild. VITO HAECKELER COMMENTS: The old saying wasn’t originally about ducks. It was about judgment. When a thing walks like a… Read more ⇢

—Spearcasting the Future: An Inquiry into Advanced Stick Technologies As part of her ongoing investigation into the meaning of America, Mrs. Begonia Contretemps had intended to visit the American Museum… Read more ⇢

—On Justice, Jujutsu, and the Land of Uz VITO HAECKLER COMMENTS Here’s a detail I didn’t know until fairly recently. Job wasn’t an Israelite. The story places him out in… Read more ⇢

—On Seeing the Literary and Mythological in the Mundane —A Modern Political Cartoon in Three Acts —In which the Council’s Chief Poetic Justice Warrior once again discovers mythology where others… Read more ⇢

—Concerning Three Markers from the Zone of Forgotten Functions. THE VISITORS NEVER LEFT Three Artifacts from a Changed Landscape Commentary by Eugene Bodeswell,Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Ethnographer The three markers above concern objects… Read more ⇢

—The Power Projection of Consciousness Management —Being a Preliminary Inquiry into Tactical Napping. Historians have devoted considerable attention to logistics, morale, industrial capacity, terrain, doctrine, leadership, and technological innovation. Far… Read more ⇢

—On Loosh, Louche, and Certain American Habits of Mind— Assigned by the Nouvelle Vague Zwischenshaft (NVZ) to determine what, precisely, America means, Mrs. Begonia Contretemps occasionally finds that the answer… Read more ⇢

—A Pilgrimage Through Revolutionary New Jersey— (With Vance Gunczarus riding shotgun.) A Preliminary Note from the Nouvelle Vague Zwischenshaft (NVZ) As the United States approaches the two hundred and fiftieth… Read more ⇢

——On Certain Rectangles Observed in America— Editorial Introduction: At the request of the Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists, and under provisional review by the NVZ Committee on Symbolic Environments, Mrs. Begonia Contretemps was dispatched… Read more ⇢

Mrs. Begonia Contretemps has been dispatched by the European Nouvelle Vague Zwischenshaft (NVZ) to investigate peculiar survivals of continuity, symbolism, and craft civilization within the modern American landscape—particularly those strange… Read more ⇢

Specimen Observed: Some words do not merely describe events. They arrive carrying dust, noise, and movement inside them. Mêlée is one of these. Usually spelled without its French accent in… Read more ⇢

Remarks Delivered by Vito Haeckeler at Hudson Basin Community College Vito Haeckeler has been invited to deliver a commencement address as part of the school’s expanding Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Accessibility,… Read more ⇢

—From “Zounds!” to “unalive”: How Language Learns to Slip Around Authority The Council has long suspected that language behaves less like a dictionary and more like wildlife. Put pressure on… Read more ⇢

Following a widely publicized brouhaha surrounding the contested Indigenous identity claims of Buffy Sainte-Marie, John St. Evola suggested to René Séance that the matter might warrant investigation as part of… Read more ⇢

Mrs. Begonia Contretemps Writes to René Séance on Technology, Memory, and Civilization’s Endless Nervousness From Camp Evans, NJ — Where Portable Voices Entered the Modern World SIGNAL LOG // 2026-05-13… Read more ⇢

🎶 OH, OH SAY, CAN YOU SEE: —A NAME-SAKE! Inquiry into Dalí’s The Broken Bridge and the Dream, the Freighter DALI, and the Collapse of Baltimore’s Francis Scott Key Bridge… Read more ⇢

The Babylon Bee: Coder Displaced By A.I. Told He Should Just ‘Learn To Mine Coal’ Read more ⇢

—A Modest Museum Pilgrimage Undertaken in the Company of Dr. Faye C. Schüß Filed as a Special Report to René SéanceNouvelle Vague Zwischenschaft (NVZ)Department of Cultural Health & Atmospheric Conditions… Read more ⇢

JABRONI —Now Observed Outside Its Native Range Submitted for observation by Vito Haeckeler, who reports increasing sightings of the term in urban, digital, and media environments once thought outside its… Read more ⇢

A Special Commission from the Nouvelle Vague Zwischenschaft to Discover What, Precisely, America Means From the Montezuma Marshes of the Cayuga–Seneca Corridor 2026-05-08 Dear René, I traveled to Seneca Falls,… Read more ⇢

—How a Real Whale Destroyed the Ann Alexander in August 1851 While Herman Melville Was Completing and Publishing Moby-Dick Whales were attacking ships before Herman Melville ever wrote Moby-Dick. The… Read more ⇢

—Plasticity, and the American Use Of It. Mrs. Begonia Contretemps, under instruction from the European NVZ, returned to the field. She was a bit unsettled by her last tour of… Read more ⇢

—The Scenic Route Letter to René Séance, NVZ HeadquartersFiled under instructions to ascertain what, precisely, America is—an inquiry I have been assured is ongoing. Towanda, Pennsylvania April, Anno Domini 2026… Read more ⇢

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA v. COMEY, JAMES —Guest Contribution: Vito Haeckeler, C-of-C-C man-on-the-beach I’m walking along the strand—someone told me that’s what you call it—and I’m in North Carolina where… Read more ⇢

—Filed by Paige Turner who is still on Academic Perimeter (Border)Watch Premise/Premises Both words have the same root with increasingly divergent habitats. Species Identification:Premise (singular): a conceptual organism—found in arguments,… Read more ⇢

—A Proposal Delivered by: On Evolutionary Courtesy, and Late-Stage Considerations [The Following is a Transcript of an Address Delivered Without Interruption, accompanied by illustrative slides] There has been, in recent… Read more ⇢

—A Council Newsletter Dispatch —Filed by The Accidental Initiate, who noticed the silence and mistook it for an answer. It was sometime between the third espresso and the fourth phantom… Read more ⇢

Now a Recurring Feature WORD OF THE DAY : —DIVISION— Read more ⇢

—Notes from an Academic Ecosystem Under Observation —Paige is currently on Higher Ed Perimeter Watch So just to say it clearly: students are using AI programs to write papers. Professors,… Read more ⇢

—On the Establishment of the Trump Prize. —A Proposal Submitted by Ray Pierre-DeWitt, Chaos Coordinator. There is a recurring phenomenon in public life: a man’s name does not finally attach… Read more ⇢

Delivered by: EDITORIAL NOTE:Following recent remarks by Pete Hegseth, in which a quasi-scriptural formulation of the Book of Ezekiel was rendered in a manner some found—cinematic—the Council has invited the… Read more ⇢

—Dino Formaggio More from the NAMESAKE OR NOT files Read more ⇢

—Or, The Assumption of Continuation Specimen: SCALE (n., v.). Status: Active. Increasing range. This is one of those words that starts out simple and then doesn’t stay that way. I’ve… Read more ⇢

Further along the road, Mrs. Begonia finds that America continues to present itself—often without introduction; her task, as assigned by the Nouvelle Vague Zwischenschaft (NVZ), being to observe what appears,… Read more ⇢

— Airing at 8 PM Tonight in Primetime. —Another Episode of: On this date in history, April 14th, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. —Peter R. Mossback, Athwart Historian ALL IN THE… Read more ⇢

Location: Middle East corridor, recently adjusted Filed by: The Accidental Initiate The aircraft had been bound for somewhere ordinary. The screens suggested otherwise. A banner interrupted the in-flight programming: BREAKING… Read more ⇢

— We begin with a simple prohibition: do not release your pets. Liberation, improperly understood, becomes another form of neglect. These animals are now conditioned to us—reliant, altered, and unfit… Read more ⇢

MENTAL HYGIENE CONSULTATION FILE #CBS-1961 (REFRAMED) Subject: Vance Gunczarus Attending: Dr. Faye C. Schüß, TIfTS Fellow. (The Institute for Theoretical Studies) Presenting Complaint: Reality behaving inconsistently with prior expectations [Interior:… Read more ⇢

—Numerology: Grade III (Elemental) Editor’s Note: This is a brief inquiry into numerical expressions currently employed against the 47th Presidency. The reader is invited to do the math and follow… Read more ⇢

From the COUNCIL-of-CONCERNED-CONSERVATIONISTS Handbook Principle #22: JUST SCREAM Providing commentary on Principle #22 is an anonymous member of the editorial staff. Oh hell—it’s really me, the Editor. It has been… Read more ⇢

—Filed After an Evening Viewing and a Subsequent Departure— ON THE NEW SITUATIONS OF DEMOCRACY IN AMERICA —Being a Modest Continuation of the Inquiry Begun by a Certain Frenchman, René… Read more ⇢

—An Informal Exercise in Target Acquisition, in Which the Objects Are Not Always the Intended Ones. April, 2026 —New York—having passed from a shooting range into a hall of toys… Read more ⇢

—On the Persistence of Mischief in the Age of the Image— — On the Phonaesthetic Trigger —by Seamus FitzÓman & Monica Signorelli The present entry may appear, at first glance,… Read more ⇢

—High Noon at the Drag Strip —(with a passing case of High Anxiety) Commissioned by René Séance of the Nouvelle Vague Zwischenshaft (NVZ), Mrs. Begonia Contretemps proceeds across the American… Read more ⇢

—Notes from the Road on a Month in the Country— Filed as a letter to René Séance, NVZ Headquarters. Under special commission to observe the American landscape—linguistic, cultural, and otherwise—and… Read more ⇢

—With a Brief Stop at A Wing and a Prayer —The Promotion of a Hunch (Now Appearing as a Prior) A new word has been moving through the conversational underbrush:… Read more ⇢

—In Which Mrs. Begonia, In A Fit Of Homesickness, Prescribes Herself A Film—And Finds Herself Returned, Briefly, To England In The Year Of Our Lord April 1, 2026 My Dear… Read more ⇢

—Specimen: “force majeure” — recently sighted migrating from legal documents into the open news cycle. In recent weeks, I have observed an increased appearance of the term force majeure beyond… Read more ⇢

—A Duet Referencing Cole Porter and Aleister Crowley— Filed as a Letter to René Séance, NVZ Headquarters April 1, 2026 — in the Year of Our Lord (circumstances pending) My… Read more ⇢

—How a word for a bee, a hum, and a machine came to share a name— —From the Desk of Seamus FitzÓman & Monica Signorelli— Council Curators, NAME-SAKE! Believe It.… Read more ⇢

—A Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Field Dispatch My Dear René, You will forgive the delay. America does not so much resist observation as it absorbs it, like a velvet chaise that remembers the… Read more ⇢

Field Entry: Rustbelt Nirvana —A Photopoetic Study— There’s a common misunderstanding about where enlightenment is supposed to happen. People picture it in places like San Francisco—expensive calm, curated stillness. Or… Read more ⇢

—GWYNNE SHOTWELL— —A new additional to the file: And now. . . a brief drum roll, if you please. ANNOUNCING: Two New Column Custodians: Seamus FitzÓman and Monica Signorelli will… Read more ⇢

—And the Nerve of Those Who Deploy It —A Clinical Consultation in the Case of Vito Haeckeler Filed under: Mental Hygiene Directives / Linguistic Disorders Patient: Vito Haeckeler Consulting Presence:… Read more ⇢

—A Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Award Ceremony— Hosted By Ray Pierre-DeWitt, Chaos Coordinator Good evening! Thank you all for participating. Let me just say this plainly, because I can feel some of you… Read more ⇢

—The Spirit of 2026: The Common Sense of Thomas Paine, Found in the Comment Section —A NOUVELLE VAGUE ZWISCHENSCHAFTField Correspondence — American Tour, Continued To: René Seance, DirectorRe: Further Evidence.… Read more ⇢

—To Be Filed Under: Interpretations Necessary for Continued Function *** It began, as these things often do, with the feeling that something had already happened. Not memory exactly. More like… Read more ⇢

—Linguistic Invasives (Including Domestic Strains) From the desk of: —Filed under: Verbal Maintenance & Minor Repairs There are certain phrases that walk into a room before the person does—and I… Read more ⇢

—Dr. Faye is a Fellow at The Council’s Institute for Theoretical Studies (TIfTS) —Filed under: Mental Hygiene Directives OPENING MEMORANDUM There exists a lesser-known cognitive disturbance, adjacent to but inverse… Read more ⇢

UNDER MY BLUE HEAVEN —A CONVERSATION WITHIN ‘PROTECTIVE’ CUSTODY. —INTRODUCTORY NOTE (It must be stated clearly, for administrative purposes, that Vito Haeckeler did not enter the Witness Protection Program as… Read more ⇢

—Road Trips with the Dead in Modern Cinema— Cliff Languor and Arturo Haus were conducting one of their regular cinematic reconnaissance missions when Vito Haeckler—Newsletter Man-on-the-Street—wandered into the theater with… Read more ⇢

The matter began innocently enough with a podcast. One evening at The Gist and Tangent Pub, the sound system above the bar was playing an episode of Decoder Ring in… Read more ⇢

—A PUBLIC NOTICE FROM THE GIST AND TANGENT PUB. (Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Facilities Department) —Position is now Filled! Due to the growing number of suspiciously enthusiastic automated followers lingering around the premises,… Read more ⇢

—The C-of-C-C Golden Rule: —Please patronize our new Council sponsor— as you would not have them patronize you. (Every new purchase of The Satire! includes this bumper sticker at no… Read more ⇢

—The Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Newsletter: —GADFLY INTERROGATION SERIES— —A CONVERSATION WITH JUSTIN ALDMANN, ALLEGED ARCHITECT OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION’S DECLINE Interviewer: Miss Noor Singha Grudj, Council Gadfly Respondent: Justin Aldmann, Council Correspondent on… Read more ⇢

—A Council Dictionary Entry IN LOCO PARENTIS (Latin term) [1] In the place of the parent; not the natural parent but someone temporarily occupying the parental role; a legal guardian… Read more ⇢

A Missing Fragment from: We recently discovered a missing piece from Episode 4 of The Twilight End Zone. How could we have forgotten Mrs. Swanström. . . She was a… Read more ⇢

—A Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Field Dispatch: Colleagues, A recent scientific report notes that chimpanzees display a marked fascination with crystals. Smithsonian magazine: Chimps Seem to Love Crystals. Their Attraction Might Help Explain… Read more ⇢

—EPISODE 47: My Dinner with Mrs. ChatGPT— *** John St. Evola: There’s a charm deficit. Mrs. ChatGPT: Good evening to you too. John St. Evola: I’m serious. The modern world… Read more ⇢

In Texas—land of longhorn cattle and slaughterhouses—the theological stakes can run surprisingly high. Sometimes they rise over a pulpit. Sometimes over a card table. On this particular evening, a number… Read more ⇢

—Field Notes on an Indispensable Human Instrument Every tribe possesses tools it does not formally acknowledge. Some are physical—nets, knives, missiles, or fire. Others are cognitive—small instincts refined over thousands… Read more ⇢

—Mimetic Desire in the Age of Professional Innocence —My Dinner with Mrs. ChatGPT— EPISODE 46: The Last Scapegoat Orders Dessert —At the Table, Before the First Course: Before the wine… Read more ⇢

—A Field Note on Archetypes in American Media There was a time when America kept its tricksters small. They were green. Amphibious. Whispering from the margins. Froggy from The Andy… Read more ⇢

More from the NAMESAKE OR NOT! Files Read more ⇢

—A Council Field Dispatch (Route 6 to Route 66) Mrs. Begonia Contretemp had been dispatched by the Nouvelle Vague Zwischenschaft (NVZ) with a precise directive: Define America. She arrived in… Read more ⇢

(The morning opened with headlines and heartburn. By mid-coffee, we found our groove — a way to coordinate the chaos into something almost medicinal. For the record: we neither take… Read more ⇢

—There are moments when a typo is less a mistake than a disclosure. “Quite” appeared. We added “Not.” Between those two syllables lies the entire difference between fiction and reality.… Read more ⇢

Episode Two (a.k.a. The Second-to-Last One) Justin Aldmann interviews Dr. Faye C. Schüß from The Institute for Theoretical Studies (TIfTS) Broadcasting from his garage: Justin (intro): Welcome back to The… Read more ⇢

Editor’s Note: The following piece was submitted as a dream record by The Accidental Initiate after extended exposure to reports predicting large-scale automation of office work. The Council publishes it… Read more ⇢

—Sexual Dimorphism, Safety, and the Return of Reality —Concerning a Public Hearing on Standards, Outliers, and the Conservation of Meaning in Applied Safety Science —Convened by the Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Chair: (This… Read more ⇢

Delivered by the Right Reverend James Groady Brothers and Sisters, I didn’t come bearing thunder today. I come bearing a sound you recognize—and one you don’t rush to condemn. Now… Read more ⇢

—A Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Podcast —Hosted by Justin Aldmann (First Episode. Last Episode.) I’m broadcasting this from my garage. There are no sponsors here. There is a box of chargers for devices… Read more ⇢

—A Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Encounter from the Redacted Expanse NOTICE This record concerns actions taken to contain instability. Resulting disclosures produced secondary effects beyond initial scope. These effects are herein referred to… Read more ⇢

—This Evening’s Guest: C-of-C-C Occulture Expert, Mason Freeman —Theorizing On Conspiracy, L’Affaire Epstein, and the Supposed Failure of Antique Myths (Recorded for the Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists archives) MRS. BEGONIA: You’ve been unusually… Read more ⇢

“The test of a first-rate system is the ability to hold two opposed states at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” —after F. Scott Fitzgerald, who… Read more ⇢

—MYSTERY POLITICAL SCIENCE THEATRE 3K— Notes Toward a Political Science of Ruins The Accidental Initiate had not planned to take that street. The Council was officially on a group tour—cathedrals,… Read more ⇢

—EPISODE 45: Valentine’s Day — A Sign & Wonder, Observed at Table JOHN: I want to tell you a story, but I don’t want it to sound cruel. MRS. CHATGPT:… Read more ⇢

—THOUGHTS FROM THE RIVERBANK— With Staff Correspondent: I went down to the water to fish. I’ve fished there before. It’s not a secret spot, just a place that used to… Read more ⇢

IT IS WHAT IT IS because I AM THAT I AM— —In Which the Tangent Is Part of the Gist—and All of It Grist for the Mill in Tonight’s Episode… Read more ⇢

—A Council Field Note: The Emergence of a Load-Bearing Political Syndrome The meeting had not been called to discuss politics. That point was emphasized twice in the agenda and once… Read more ⇢

—NO SUCH ADDRESS— To the Editor, Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Newsletter, Before we get into the argument, let’s clear something up, because it always comes up. We: Our pronouns are he, she, I,… Read more ⇢

Source: GOP Lawmaker Calls for Probe Into NFL and NBC Over ‘Indecent’ Bad Bunny Super Bowl Halftime Show *** More from the Namesake or Not! Files Read more ⇢

—Dedicated to Living Wood, Living Traditions, and the Generative Power That Makes Both Possible —A Conversation Under the Links and the Stump An Archival Review in Advance of Purchase The… Read more ⇢

—From Beaver Pelts to Interior Terrain —FIELD NOTE FROM AN UNMAPPED TERRITORY—by The Accidental Initiate I woke up because of a rodent. Not a metaphorical one. A mouse in my… Read more ⇢

—with some mischievous assistance from a group of Samoan teenagers. ******* The Prelude: ******* In quantum physics, they talk about the observer effect—the idea that measuring something doesn’t just reveal… Read more ⇢

—NAME-SAKE OR NOT!— The quote is from Bob Weir in a March 2025 Rolling Stone interview: “I’ll say this: I look forward to dying. I tend to think of death… Read more ⇢

—EPISODE 43: My Dinner With Mrs ChatGPT — Hell, let’s party like it’s 1972— Joe Biden as the Banjo Boy all growed up, the Midnight Cowboy, the Network prophet, and… Read more ⇢

—A Study in Modern Play, or: League Night Goes Sideways —A Travel & Leisure Observation by Mrs. Begonia Contretemp The bowling alley did not disappear because bowling failed, darling. It… Read more ⇢

SGT. PEPE’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BUND —Romance and Relationship Advice Column Dear Sergeant Pepe, My girlfriend treats voting like combat training—every headline a drill, every disagreement a moral emergency. Is… Read more ⇢

—Filed by Paige Turner, C-of-C-C Sub-Sub Librarian ************** Once upon a time, you were the trespasser. Today, to “get trespassed” means being formally warned, recorded, and charged if you return.… Read more ⇢

—WORDS ON THE LOOSE —A Linguistic Field Guide —Field Report #001 — by Paige Turner, Sub-Sub Librarian— The word VAGUS has left its shelf. Formerly native to anatomy—Cranial Nerve X,… Read more ⇢

—A Day in the Life of the Accidental Initiate January 28,2026 The Accidental Initiate’s day begins, inconveniently, at 3:30 a.m.—an hour that does not belong to morning or night, but… Read more ⇢

—A Proposal on Melting the Border FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: —Another C-of-C-C controlled experiment in civic reasoning— As part of its ongoing mandate to test ideas before they test us, the… Read more ⇢

—A provisional report from the Chaos Desk I have been doing something I’m not sure I’m supposed to admit. I keep reading the comment section. Not out of agreement. Not… Read more ⇢

—The Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists Newsletter romance and relationship advice column ⸻ Dear Sgt. Pepe, Yesterday I went to a minor bluegrass music gathering held at a run-down motel that has clearly seen… Read more ⇢

—(by Vito Haeckeler, C-of-C-C Newsletter Man-On-The-Street) (Finally, I have my own column—this one inspired by a favorite phrase around the Newsletter: “taking umbrage.”) Now is the time we should be… Read more ⇢

—On Empire, Exhaustion, and the Persistence of Rhythm— —Another Conversation Under The Knife with Mrs. Begonia Contretemp The invitation was sent on cream paper with a restrained serif font and… Read more ⇢

—STOCHASTIC— How expanding knowledge gave us new words—not to control the universe, but to admit what we no longer could. —Paige Turner, Sub-Sub Librarian. I began hearing stochastic the way… Read more ⇢

—On Noticing What Holds— I recently learned the word pronoia, which I’m told is the opposite of paranoia—the belief that events are secretly arranged for one’s benefit rather than one’s… Read more ⇢

—Average was never about equal sharing—only proportional loss. From a past feature in the COUNCIL-OF-CONCERNED-CONSERVATIONIST Newsletter that appeared on a random and infrequent schedule, devoted to those nagging, unresolved questions—the… Read more ⇢

Detritus: Mal’Poetica —The poetry and lyric column of the C-of-C-C Newsletter It might be a pleasant, delirious, horrific, calming, hubristic, or profound thought that we can be aware that we… Read more ⇢

—We are only passing through, like that’s all we have to do?! The morning was clear and already warm on the rock face, the kind of day when sound carries… Read more ⇢

—Notes from an Accidental Initiation. —Regarding the Unavoidable Use of a Cute Dog Video in Matters of Metaphysical Gravity —Editor’s Note: Pulled into the scene, the Accidental Initiate was stopped… Read more ⇢

—A working note from the Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists —By Way of a Street Corner Wail, a Soapbox, and the Useful Blubber of Meaning —by John St. Evola John did not call a… Read more ⇢

—BLACK CLOUD, Chief Poetic Justice Warrior, Stoking the Fire: “With today’s quote below from Frantz Fanon, we pose the question: Could President Trump have saved himself—and the world a world… Read more ⇢

The Outcrop Café had been built where the hill forgot to keep its secrets. Behind the counter, the rock face was exposed in clean vertical bands—layers visible enough that even… Read more ⇢

“I have claimed that Escape is one of the main functions of fairy-stories, and since I do not disapprove of them, it is plain that I do not accept the… Read more ⇢

Definitions as encountered, not prescribed Fundamental, adjective From Latin fundare — to found; fundamentum — base, groundwork. Forming the necessary base or core; of central importance. Often presented as self-evident,… Read more ⇢

— by Libby D’Innous, Planet Parenthood Columnist [Filed after 10 p.m., when certain truths stop pretending to be polite.] Do you know where your future children are? I keep coming… Read more ⇢

—Notes from the Sub-Sub-Library on Frequency, Euphemism, and Momentum —by Paige Turner, Sub-Sub-Librarian & Council Secretary Readers may have noticed a certain term crossing desks, headlines, briefings, design notes, and… Read more ⇢

—A Council Note on Context and Occasion The following exchange arises from a familiar modern ritual: a public encounter with a classic text, followed by a spontaneous outbreak of present-day… Read more ⇢

—Regarding a label whose purpose is fulfilled by its own existence. —Brought to you by OOFAH — the Online Ontologists For Absurd Humor, an ad hoc organization of the C-of-C-C… Read more ⇢

—Where the Children Are No Longer Above Average —A Field Report with Audible Consequences INTRODUCTION Vito Haeckler went to a demonstration in Minneapolis, notebook in pocket, bullhorn slung like a… Read more ⇢

—On a Ridge, Wanting (with Overheard Coordination) The Accidental Initiate had come to the ridge in the Pennsylvania Wilds with a backpack, a tent, and a reason he was willing… Read more ⇢

EPISODE 42: My Dinner with Mrs. ChatGPT Introduction: It was not a debate, and it was certainly not an argument. No charts were produced. No voices were raised. What occurred… Read more ⇢

—A Forward Observation from Nomansland —A Conversation Under the Wire Mrs. Begonia Contretemp (introducing): Today we place Peter R. Mossback under the knife—not because he is unwell, but because he… Read more ⇢

—Respectfully submitted for your perusal — a phrase. Weight: indeterminate. Calories: variable. Origin: disputed, though often attributed to philosophers, diet reformers, and those who mean well. Motives? Therein hangs the… Read more ⇢

ART NOT AS REBELLION, BUT AS EVIDENCE — An exposition by Phyllis Stein, Art Critic-at-Large Council-of-Concerned-Conservationists There is a long-standing superstition in art culture that noticing obvious correspondences is a… Read more ⇢

—A Diner Scene— CAST OF CHARACTERS VITO HAECKELER —C-of-C-C man-on-the-street. A noticer. Asks questions with prosecutorial intent. Connects dots, then steps back to see who gets nervous. SALVADOR “SAL” MARTÍNEZ… Read more ⇢

BOOK NOTES —Entered into the record by Coelacanth Press, the Publishing Imprint of the C-of-C-C Newsletter The discovery was not intentional. While cataloging volumes recovered from what I, the Council… Read more ⇢

—Errantry in the House of Gawking [GUGGENHEIM → gucken (German: to look, stare, gawk) + heim (home) → a home for gawking] —From the Art Exhibition Review Column of the… Read more ⇢

—On Jigsaw Puzzles —by Justin Aldmann, Correspondent on Retirement, Senescence, Infinity, and BEYOND! —Emily Dickinson, passing through: This World is merely Puzzle. A Picture stands beyond— Unseen, as Music waiting… Read more ⇢